Depressed and Alone
by LucyBrick123
Summary: *Takes place after Episode 34* Pixal Borg's world was over when she saw Zane died. She couldn't believe the only person she has loved died in front of her. Pixal started to change. Cutting herself to take away the pain and doing drugs to forget about everything. Will Pixal be like that forever? Or will her family help her? WARNING: Drug use and cutting (OOC Pixal)
1. Zane Gone And Cutting

This is a random story I thought when I heard that Zane...died _but,_ he was alive in the digiverse and Pixal was so happy to see him. So anyway, in this story Zane is defiantly dead._ (I'm sorry) _He is isn't alive in the digiverse, The Golden Master fully killed Zane _(Again Sorry). _So on with the story! Oh! And before I forget, I'm doing this friendly competition with Isla-Robin-295 with my story with hers. Basically she "stole" my idea of writing this so we agreed to have a friendly competition. Her story is called: Darkest To Dawn. So yeah read her story first before you say that my story is the best. Okay on with the story now.

* * *

Pixal POV

It has been a few days since Zane's death and I was devastated about him. Everyone was actually but I was the most affected. I never knew I will find love, especially me since I was a robot, and when I did, the only person I loved died in front of me. I didn't even had the chance to say I love you to Zane. I was to heartbroken about the fact that Zane left us. I couldn't believe that he died, but he did. We wall saw Cole hold that half part of Zane's face. I cried. I cried, I sobbed, I mourn over him. I couldn't get over Zane. First I left him when the ninja turn off the power, but then he gives me half his power source for me. That's when I knew how much he cared for me. I remember the moments when I kept getting on top of him on accident, when we did spinjittzu together, when he hugged me after he came back from the digiverse...I burst out crying remembering him.

I remember Zane's funeral clearly in my mind, all of us went to the monastery where the ninja used to teach. Cyrus and I were going to stay there while the city was getting fixed by what the Overlord did. As we went over there, I was silent. I didn't say a word, nothing, too sad to say anything. When we got there, I was assigned my own room for privacy and something about 'needing some space and time alone'. Right now, i'm in my room, against the wall, sitting down, head between my knees, crying silently. It just happened to fast like a blink of an eye. I started crying a little loud. It has been 3 days since that day but I still cry as if it was a minute ago.

* * *

Everyone was eating in the dinning room, even I was there. I was forced to eat by Cyrus. I just didn't feel like eating, especially infront of everyone. My eyes were red from crying and my hair was messier than it should. I wasn't even eating, I was just playing with my food with the fork while everyone was silent. I was thinking about Zane, wondering why he did that sacrifice. Suddenly I felt angry. Why did he sacrifice himself!? I needed answers and I needed them now! I hit my fist against the table and stood up from my seat, everyone surprised by my sudden action.

"Why did Zane have to sacrifice himself!?" I yelled.

"Pixal calm down" Cyrus said to me but I didn't listen to him.

"I don't want to calm down! I need to know why he did that!" I answered, tears already streaming down my face.

"It was his Destiny" Sensei Wu said as he sipped his tea. I couldn't believe him.

"Why wasn't Destiny like that when Lloyd faced the Overlord!?" Right after I said that, Kai stood up while Lloyd next to him looked slightly hurt.

"Don't bring Lloyd into this! It was all of your fault that Zane died!" Kai yelled at me.

"Kai" Sensei Wu warned him.

"Oh! So all of this is my fault now! How is this even my fault!?"

"Kai stop, your're making things worse" Nya tried to calm her brother.

"Because he gave you half his power source!" Cole exclaimed all of a sudden. I suddenly stop with all the yelling and realize that...that was true.

"If he didn't gave you half his power source, none of this would have happen!" Kai yelled at me as I lower my head.

"Please stop Kai! Your hurting her" Cyrus said in tears. He was right. Kai was hurting me with words. Who ever knew words hurt a lot. Kai got off his seat and started to approach me. His eyes were already wet, ready to start crying.

"It was all your FAULT!" Kai screamed at me and he shoved me to the ground as I landed hard on the floor, him on top of me. I tried to get him off me but he was way stronger than me. Kai punched me hard in the face as Cole, Lloyd and Sensei Wu tried to get him off me. Meanwhile Nya was already crying and Jay was comforting her. Kai kept punching me in the face and I felt all the pain. Cyrus was trying to get me from on top of him but he couldn't. Finally they got rid of Kai from me as I ran into Cyrus' arms and started crying even more. Cyrus holded me in his arms, protecting me. He lifted my face to see some bruises started to swell. I just couldn't contain it anymore. I went running to my room and locked myself in there. I was safer there. I layer on my bed and thought about the events that has happened so far. I realized I had feelings for Zane when he gave me half his power source, he sacrificed himself to save everyone and apparently it was all of my fault. I just cried more thinking that it was, in fact, all of my fault.

I got up and went to the bathroom. I locked myself in there and went to look for something _sharp. _Then I saw a small dagger under the sink. Not wondering why is it there, I look at my reflection, I was a mess. My hair was on knots, my face was soaked by tears and bruises, my eyes slightly look red, I was a mess just because of Zane. I looked at the dagger in my hand and looked at it, it was _really _sharp. With out thinking, I start cutting my left wrist. I did two big gashes on my wrist and saw my 'blood' coming out. Dark red oil start coming out of my cuts. The pain, somehow felt..._good. _I let my 'blood' run out. I didn't clean it or anything. I saw the 'blood' running down my arm and in the sides of my wrist. I just feel a lot of pain, not of my cut, of Zane. I cried, it's what I have been doing all this time. I got up from sitting against the wall of the bathroom and went to bed. I didn't care if I stain the bed, all I care was Zane. I put my head against the pillow and cried myself to sleep. I was hoping that all of this was a dream, that I will wake up and see Zane. But it wasn't a dream. Zane died, and I saw it all.

* * *

_~Everyone saw Zane in front of the Overlord, shooting his ice powers at him. They all tried to stop him, but they couldn't. Pixal was screaming and yelling him to stop, she couldn't stand it seeing him in pain. __But he was doing this to save all of Ninjago City and his family. That's when everything flashed; Zane died now, but the Golden Master was still fully alive._

_"You think you pathetic Ninja could stop me again!?" he yelled at them; Then he turn to Pixal. "Zane seems to care about you the most" He paused. "So you are going to die first!" Then The Golden Master attacked Pixal and everything turned black.~_

* * *

Pixal POV

"AAAHHHHHH!" I scream as I sat up from my bed. I was breathing heavily and sweat was rolling down my forehead. I don't know why was I sweating, the room was really cold. A shiver goes down my spine as I got up to go to the bathroom, taking out the pocket knife again. I wonder why no one got up, I screamed really loud. Either I didn't scream loud enough or no one cared about me. I start crying again, thinking about that dream again. It was still vivid in my mind. I wipe my tears as I open the pocket knife and cut my right wrist like my other wrist. My blood was running down my arm. I couldn't stand being so miserable just for Zane. I start crying more as I slide down the wall to the floor, sitting down. I put my head against my knees and fall asleep with tears and blood.

* * *

That's it! I know, Pixal is too OOC. I know! Don't need to point it out. Anyway if you guys like this story and would like for me to continue, tell me in the reviews please! But I doubt it anyone will like it :-l. So anyway...review if you want me to continue! Later! ~Lucy


	2. Anorexic And Running Off

Apparently some of you guys like this story! And I'm happy that you guys enjoy this story :D So I decided to but this is a short update. Sorry! Enjoy!

P.S: To the guest out there who reviewed the previous chapter: I don't cut myself

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Pixal POV

I woke up the next morning and looked at my surroundings; I noticed that I spent the night in the bathroom. I remembered cutting my wrists and the horrible nightmare. I kept looking at my wrists, the 'blood' dried in my arms. Since my skin was white, the blood was noticeable so I clean it on the bathroom sink. When I finish cleaning my arm, I saw the cuts I made. There weren't scars yet, but soon will be. I gasp, suddenly thinking what if the others see it, but then I don't worry. I am not going to be leaving this room any time soon and I can simply cover it with my sleeves.

I get out of the bathroom I sit against the wall in my room like I have been always doing and put my head against my knees. The others will be probably wondering where am I since everyone is eating breakfast by now, but I don't care. I don't feel like eating, i'm not even hungry. All this mourning for Zane has left me with no appetite. I just sit there, nothing to do but to think how Zane would have felt like when I told the words 'I love you' to him. He will probably be happy, even joyful. I'll never know now. I shed a few tears wondering how it will feel like to be in Zane's arms. Sure he had hug me once, but I wanted to know more of him. I wonder how will it feel like to kiss him, his soft lips against mine. Guess i'll never know. I cry more than I hear a knock on my door. Gosh! Why can't they just leave me alone!? Then the door opens to reveal Nya with a plate on her hand. She walks up to me and puts the plate in the drawer.

"I thought you might be hungry" Nya said. I shook my head. She lower herself so she was at my level. I wanted so badly to say 'Leave me alone!' but I kept quiet. She puts her hand on my shoulder, I feel shivers down my spine as I back away from her. Nya looked surprise as she puts her hand down. "I know you feel worse than all of us, but you have to move on" I cry harder.

'How can I move on when he was the only one I loved!?' I wanted to yell at her, but just I cry. Nya went on and put an arm around me but I jump and move over to a corner of the room. Nya looked surprise and shocked in how I reacted. She got up and left like if nothing happen. I was surprise also. I felt shivers down my spine every time she touched me. Is this is how I am going to be? Scared and terrified when someone is close to me? I cry. I am starting to change just because of Zane's death.

* * *

No POV

Nya walked quickly to the boy's room. She was very shocked of what just happened and what she saw. When Nya got there she barge in and said it.

"Something is wrong with Pixal" Nya exclaimed.

"So do us. We are all upset over Zane" Cole said looking down.

"But you don't understand, she is feeling worse" Nya try to explain.

"All of us do" snapped Kai.

"What do you mean?" said Lloyd ignoring Kai.

"I mean that..." Nya took a deep breath "she is cutting herself" Everyone looked at her.

"What?" Lloyd said surprised as Nya held back tears.

"Yeah. I saw her wrists and she has two big cuts" Nya explained. "And when I went to hug her, she freaked out and moved away from me" She shed a few tears. "I just want to know if she is okay" Kai went up to hug her.

"Let's check on her before she does it again" Jay said as all of them went to Pixal's room. Jay moved the door knob and this time...it was locked. They tried turning it harder but it wouldn't open.

* * *

Pixal POV

I heard them tried to open the door but this time I locked it. They need to learn to leave me alone, one way or another. I had the dagger in my hand. I was about to cut myself again even deeper but when I was about to do it, I was interrupted.

"Open the door!" I hear them yell but I ignore them. I decided to have some _real _ privacy, so I grab a black jacket from my closet, grab my dagger and left through the window. I jumped over the edge as I hear them open my door. I then jump down carefully to the ground and go towards the city.

* * *

No POV

Everyone looked around the room, trying to look for Pixal but she wasn't in the room. Everyone was worried. Cyrus passed through the door but went back.

"What's going on here?" he asked entering the room. No one knew what to say but to say the truth.

"Pixal is not here" Cole blurted out. Cyrus had wide eyes

"What!? Where is she!?" Cyrus yelled, everyone was scared of Cyrus' sudden outburst.

"We don't know, but there is something wrong with her" Lloyd said.

"What is it?" Cyrus exclaimed. No one wanted to say it but they no choice.

"She is cutting herself" Nya said quietly but Cyrus heard it clearly.

"WHAT!? No! Not my daughter! She can't be!" Cyrus yelled, tears forming in his eyes. Everyone was shocked when they heard Cyrus call Pixal his daughter. All of them went up to him and put a comforting hand on him.

"Don't worry. We will find your daughter" Jay said softly."Thank you" Cyrus said, putting a weak smile on his face.

* * *

Stupid ending, I know. I didn't work my best on this chapter but I really needed some good reviews to cheer me up :) Have a good Day/Night! ~Lucy


	3. Tattoos And Secrets Revealed

Well here it is peeps! Some of you REALLY like this story so I decided to update and yeah...this chapter may be strange and I highly doubt anyone else is going to read it. So yeah enjoy and if you like it (Don't think so) Review! I need some happiness in my life! Have been pretty down lately...

* * *

Pixal POV

I was in the city now, surrounded by neon lights and people walking by. I walked quickly because I didn't wanted to be seen. I was so scared of a lot of people around me, I got in a random shop close by so I would avoid the outside. I look around and see that I entered a tattoo shop. I seen some people with these but I never knew how they put the tattoo in their skin. Suddenly I look upon a guy who stands there.

"May I help you?" the guy says **(It's the guy with the pink mohawk in episode 30)** I look at his arms and there are _filled _with tattoos. I stare at him and then suddenly blurt out something I will hopefully not regret.

"I will like to have a tattoo" I say.

"What kind?" he asks. I started thinking but it was an obvious answer for me.

"Snowflakes. Any kind of snowflakes" I answer. He looked surprised.

"Where?" he asked. I started thinking a place where know could see it.

"Down my arm" I said gesturing at my left arm from my shoulder blade.

"Okay" he said. He then gestured me to a chair. "Come here" I started walking towards there but hesitated.

"Wait!" I exclaimed. "How are you going to do it?" I asked.

"With this" he said as he show me something that looked like a gun with a needle in it. **(I don't what their called or how they looked like)****  
**

"Okay" I answered as I go to the chair. I started wondering what are the others doing as I take off my black hoodie.

"Not to be rude or anything but, what happened to your face?" The man said as he gathered the materials. I was confused at first but then I remember the huge bruise I had in my right eye when Kai punched me. I looked in the closest mirror and saw that I had a purple bruise. I didn't notice until just now.

"That is none of your business!" I snapped at him, making sure he doesn't say anything stupid anymore. He raised his eyebrows.

"Just asking" He said before approaching me with the needle for the tattoo. I will hopefully not regret this.

* * *

Back with the others

Everyone started looking in the monastery, thinking that Pixal might be hiding here. They looked everywhere but she was definitely not here. Meanwhile, Cyrus has been wheeling around the room, panicking and pacing.

"Where is she? Where is she?" Cyrus kept muttering to himself for the past hours. He then remembered something. "Why didn't I think about this earlier!?"

"Think about what?" Lloyd asked.

"I remember putting a GPS on her, in case she got lost" Cyrus explained as he wheeled himself over his room. He then found the device he needed. He saw the purple dot blink close by Zane's statue. "Oh" is all he say.

"Where is she?" Cole asked. Cyrus showed them the device. No one said anything.

"Let her have alone time with him" Nya said.

Everyone knew Pixal was depressed.

* * *

Pixal POV

I was on my way to the forest where Zane's statue was. I didn't see it in person and I won't. I will never see the statue, I will only see it from a distance. I sat against a tree, careful with my _tattoos. _I didn't only have one, I had two others that were small. I had Zane's full name behind my neck, with the date of his death printed also and a small snowflake besides his name, being the Ninja of Ice.

**R.I.P**

**_Zane Julien*_**

**_June 16, 2014_**

I also had a medium size snowflake on my left ankle. And last but not least, the big one I had on my left arm and down past my elbow a bit. I had five big different types of snowflakes that were a light shade of blue like Zane's eyes, and I had to admit, I really loved how it turn out. I sighted. I'm changing. I decided to ignore and look out of the city from the tree I was. I saw construction men clean up the mess where The Golden Master and Zane battled. I looked away from there, all of that reminds me of Zane.

As I looked away, I saw Zane's picture besides his statue and on the statue I saw...the Falcon. It cawed and stood there, still sad for his owner to be gone. I whistled loudly enough to get his attention since I didn't wanted to go up there. It saw me and flew over where I was sitting as he sits in my shoulder. If he could have cried, his eyes will be red instead of ice blue like Zane's eyes. The Falcon saw my sadness and cawed. I pet his head and then got up, pulling my arms closely to me. I don't why, ever since I got here, I feel really cold even though it's not that windy and I have my jacket on. I decide to ignore it and started walking home with the Falcon following me. I started walking slowly home, not caring everyone else was worried for me. I don't care anymore.

* * *

No POV

Everyone, especially Cyrus, was worried for Pixal. They knew where she was it just that it was getting late, it was almost night, and she was not here yet. The guys were getting really frustrated, especially Kai.

"I swear to The First Spinjitzu Master if she doesn't come this moment, we are going to start looking for her out there in the city" exclaimed Kai getting impatient. He thought Pixal's absence was all his fault. He never meant to punch her, he was just still upset about Zane's death.

"Weren't you the one who didn't wanted her here?" Cyrus snapped at him. Kai glared at him.

"Well sorry for worrying for your stupid daughter!" Kai yelled at him. Cyrus just stood there, wanting to crush him but his disability to stand up stopped him from doing so. Pixal came in from the front door, with her jacket on. Everyone was relieved.

"I guess she heard you" Jay muttered as he cracked a small sad smile.

"Pixal, are you okay?" Cyrus says worriedly as he wheels over to her. Pixal nods like nothing's wrong. Since Cyrus couldn't stand up to hug her, he went up to hold her hand. As soon as he makes contacts with her pale hand, she snatches her hand back. Everyone was surprised to her reaction. Pixal looked at them with horrifying eyes and left to her room like nothing happened. When she left, Nya spoke up.

"This is what I mean, she is not okay" Nya said. No one said anything, no one understands Pixal.

* * *

Pixal POV

I came in my room and sat on the edge of my bed. I just needed some time to think. I wanted to be alone, with no one. I hear a knock and then they open the door. Can't they just leave me alone!

"Leave _now" _I say, my voice sounding dark.

"Pixal, we know you need help. We can help you!" Cole exclaimed at me. I just clutch my fist in my sides and start crying.

"I don't need help! I need Zane!" I yell and then Cyrus appears in the doorway, tears in his eyes.

"We know what you are doing to yourself" Cyrus said, slightly gesturing to his wrist. I was shocked. They knew.

"LEAVE NOW!" I yelled at them. They scurried off the room as I shut the door close and lock it. I lean against the door and start crying to my hands. My whole entire life is a total mess. Not only I don't wanted to be alone...I didn't wanted to hurt the only family who cared for me. Well...at least I think they do.

* * *

Done *Explosion in the background* Hopes you guys enjoyed it and see you until next time! I will try to update often, I promise I will try! Late! :D

~Lucy


	4. Other People With Problems and Escape

I'm back with another chapter! Yaysies! Some of you really love it so I am going to try to update every one or two weeks, depends if I am busy or something with school and such.

To the Guest out there who reviewed my last chapter: If you consider cutting yourself, getting tattoos, piercings, dying part of you hair black, dressing up in black, drinking and doing drugs a emo...than yes. Whoops! I already said too much o_o

* * *

Pixal POV

I woke up the next day. Didn't even realize I slept yesterday or even remember when I slept. I look at the clock and it reads 9:45am. Everyone is probably eating breakfast by now but I do not even there to go out there from what happened last night when I yelled at them to get out of my room. I hated remembering that. It's just gives them a reason to hate me, specially Kai. He totally hates me by the looks of it. I don't blame him though. Zane's death was my fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. I am so sick of knowing about the fact that it was my fault.

I lean against the wall, like I have always been doing, and just sit there until time passes to night so I can go back into the city where no one can find me. It's the place where I can be on my own but have the worst memories there from Zane's death scene along with the Overlord. I hate the Overlord. If he hadn't come back, this wouldn't be happening. Everyone will be fine, even me. But no. It's not like that.

It's already 10:05am. Time already passed, probably everyone already left the dining room. Can't wait until the night comes so I can leave this place.

* * *

No one's POV

Everyone is already in their own rooms and Nya and Kai were talking about what to do now that Zane is gone. They were pretty sure that everyone would agree to not continue as teachers so they didn't think of that. Kai then suggested something.

"What if we just went our own way" Kai said and Nya just looked at him as if he was crazy.

"I don't think that is a good idea, Kai. We want to stick together as a team and Lloyd is still young" Nya explained to him.

"He can lived with his parents and let's face it, with Zane gone and Jay and Cole fighting for you, we are not a team anymore" Kai said to her, his tone sad but firm at the same time. Nya looked down, he was saying the truth. But he didn't knew how hard is it to chose between two guys.

* * *

With Jay and Cole

They were both taking a walk our in the outside of Garmadon's Monastery on separate ways. Both of them were looking down at the ground, thinking deeply and on why Nya should pick them instead of the other one.

'Nya never broke up with me so that means we are technically still together' Jay thought which it is was true. Both of them were together ever since Jay saved her from the roller coaster. 'But she needs to decide who she loves more so she can be happy' Jay continue to think.

'Nya clearly likes me more instead of Jay because the only reason we are in this situation is because she thinks I am her perfect match, which I am' Cole thought. 'But I never even liked her before I knew she liked me' his thought was interrupted when he bumped his head with someone no other than Jay himself. Both of them looked sad at each other then went the other way around and continued walking their own way.

* * *

With Cyrus

Cyrus was looking out the window from the guest room he was assigned in the monastery. He had received a call that Borg Industries was going to take longer to repair with all the damages that the Overlord and Zane did during the epic battle. Cyrus was okay with that since probably Pixal wouldn't even want to come back there with at the horrible memories. He couldn't believe that Pixal, his own daughter, was cutting herself, Cyrus just couldn't believe it. It made him cry just to think about his poor Pixal suffering from a broken heart. That was one of the reasons he was okay with Pixal having no emotions so she can't feel the pain but when Zane gave half his heart to her, she started to feel all of these feelings she couldn't understand but she was happy to feel love for Zane. Then she felt pain, and pain hurts.

Cyrus wiped a tear away from his face. The only family he had was suffering and he doesn't know what to do. Sure he has was cutter himself when he was younger from all the bullying he got for being disabled and being smart but Pixal's cutting was different. Cyrus heard a knock on the door and wiped away the last tears from his face.

"Come in" Cyrus said. The door open to reveal Wu, Garmadon and his wife, Misako. "Is there something I can help you?" he asked them as he wheeled over to them.

"I think the question is, is there something _we _could help you" Garmadon said to him.

"It's just..." Cyrus sighted. It wasn't him who needed help, it was Pixal.

"We now Pixal needs help and we want to help you so you can help her" Misako explained to him.

"We want to help the both of you" Wu continued.

Cyrus smiled weakly. "Thank you" he said.

* * *

_***Time Passes Until Night***_

Pixal's POV

Finally, night has come. Time to get out of this place. I sneak out the window like I did last time but before I did, I catch to notice my reflection on the window. The bruise Kai gave me was still there but visible and I was still wearing my purple-one sleeved shirt where my tattoos were exposed if I took out my jacket. I went into my closet to see if there was something there that wasn't purple.

'Purple is a too cheerful color' I thought as I take out my jacket and shirt to change to a black shirt. I looked in there to also to see a pair of black skinny jeans and decided to put them on. Now I am fully dressed in black.

I slowly open the window of my room and get out of the room as I lightly fall on the window frame from outside. I then jumped to the grassy floor and start making my way out of the monastery. I looked back once again, to see if anyone was watching me. I saw someone from a room turn off their lights quickly when I turned around. Must of been Cyrus. He is always overprotective of me.

I once again looked ahead and make my way towards the city again and see what brings changes I have next.

* * *

I know! Shitty ending but I am trying! I have been busy lately and this chapter is so that you can at least enjoy a bit until I update next time but I am getting there! So review and see you next time! ~Lucy


	5. Piercings and More Cutting

Sorry I have not updated in a long time but I didn't have my wifi but meanwhile I was typing up the chapters for other stories on Pages. So yeah without further ado, chapter 5 everyone. (WARNING: This chapter contains a lot of intense stuff)

Pixal POV

I am now back in the city with all the people surrounding me once again. I decided to go to the tattoo shop I went yesterday. If only I can find it. A few blocks away, I see the tattoo shop with neon lights lighting the sign. I rushed over there before anyone starts looking at me. I get over there and push open the door to see the same man from yesterday with his hand bandaged. Must have been from what I did to him yesterday...

*Flashback*

_No POV_

_~"I ain't paying you anything!" Pixal said as she almost made her way to the door to leave but the guy stop her in mid tracks. She was trying to leave because she __didn't have money._

_"You have to or else I will call the police!" The guy warned as he held a phone. Pixal just squinted at him._

_"You wouldn't dare" Pixal said to him._

_"Watch me" the guy said as he was about to dial 911._

_"Fine! I will pay your stupid money" Pixal said as she reached into her pocket. The guy just held out his hand to accept the money but he only got slashed in the hand by Pixal's small dagger. He drop the phone and held now bloody hand as Pixal quickly made her way pass through him._

_"And if you call the police, I will do WORSE than that!" Pixal threatened him as she got out of the shop.~_

_*_End of Flashback*

Pixal POV

The guy's back was still facing me until he turned around and saw me with scared eyes.

"What do you want now?!" he asked terrified as I approached him. I look at him straight in the eye.

"I don't know" I said to him. I really don't know until I saw his face. He had a few...piercings or whatever they are called. "I want one of those" I said pointing at his lip.

"A piercing?" he asked.

"Yes idiot" I snapped at him. "A lot of them" his eyes widen.

I smirked. "Lots and lots of them" I said to his as he backed away from me.

"I can't just do them to you, you have to pay money" he said scared. I stepped closer to him.

"Remember what I did to you yesterday?" He nodded. "I can do worse than that if you don't give me what I want!" I yelled at him. He held his hands in front of me, preventing what I was going to do to him.

"Ok! I will" he said as he went to retrieve his materials he needed.

'I like it when people are scared of me, I can controlled them' I thought to myself as I smirked. Wait...what was I doing? This is not me at all. I just shake my head as the guy came back with the materials he needed for the piercings and a book. He handed me the book and I opened it. There were various types of piercings to choose from.

"Which ones do you want?" the guy he asked me. I turned my back to him as I kept flipping the pages in the small book.

"Well let's see..."

* * *

At the Monastery

Everyone was already asleep, well...trying to sleep. Jay kept tossing and turning every once in a while and sometimes even Cole. Kai just kept looking at the ceiling with his hands behind his head. Lloyd was sleeping but then woke up to a nightmare he was having. He has been having a lot of nightmares lately. Lloyd started to cry and Kai had to turn on the light to check on him like always. Kai went up to Lloyd and hugged him. Lloyd cried into his chest.

"I-I want to see Zane a-again!" Lloyd cried out. Kai sighted.

"We all want to but you got to stop having nightmares, Lloyd" Kai said to him softly. Jay and Cole watched them and soon they were also joined the hug.

All three of them were now hugging each other and confronting Lloyd. Kai, to his surprise, saw Cole hugging Jay most of the time from behind. He had rested his chin on Jay's small shoulder and Jay either didn't mind or he hasn't noticed yet because he still hated Cole for stealing Nya from him.

"Everything will be be alright Lloyd" Kai soothed him as little Lloyd started hiccuping and sniffing.

"Hopefully" Jay said so quietly that no one heard him.

* * *

Pixal POV

My whole face hurts and I cover my face with my hoodie as I left the shop was once again with something new on me. This time with piercings. Never mind my face, my tongue hurts like hell with the piercing I got there. Yes, I got a piercing in my tongue. I regret it but at the same time I don't, I don't know why. I passed was going to pass through a liquor store where I saw two people smoking. As I passed them, I inhale the smoke from the cigarette, coughing in the process. One of them saw me cough and said:

"Come on, don't be weak bitch!" I quickly turned around and get close to his face while I grabbed his collar.

"Don't you dare call me that again! And I will prove to you that I am not a weak bitch" I let go of him and held my hand out. "Give me one" The other guy was surprised.

"If we give you one, will you leave us alone?" he asked. I shook my head.

"No promises" I respond to him as I still held out my hand. They both looked at each other and reached into their pocket and took out a cigarette. I took it from his hand as I held the cancer stick in my hand and looked at it. I am a robot, of course it won't affect me.

I put it in my mouth. "Lighter" I snapped my fingers at them. The guy who was scared of me, quickly handed it to me. I lit up the cigarette, took a puff. I felt something go down my throat and into my artificial lungs. Then I let out the puff of smoke into the air and saw it disappear soon. Both of the guys were impressed and I smirked.

"See? I'm not a weak bitch, and if I was, at least I am not a wuzzy like you who is scared of a girl" I said to him as I left both of them shocked. I quickly entered the liquor store before they talked to me again.

I don't know what is inside of this cigarette but I...like it. And I need more. I quickly go pass the small aisles as I took another puff and let it out. Hopefully the man in the cashier hasn't noticed. I quickly spot the packet of cigarettes and get two packets.

Before I get out of the store, I spot hair dye. Hmm, I could use black dye to get rid of this silver hair I hate and that makes me look like a freak. I grab two bottles and make my way quickly to the door before I get spot but I was too late.

"Hey! You have to pay for that" The guy exclaimed at me. I slowly turn around and look at him. My eyes start rooming around the small store and saw about 5 cameras pointing at me. I slowly walk to the cashier and reach into my pocket and try to find some money in my pocket. I find something like paper and take it out to reveal 15 dollars. I give it to the man and turn away quickly. "And next time, no smoking in the store" he warned me as I got out of there.

I took another puff and looked around for a place to dye my hair. I spot a gas station bathroom and go in there quickly. There was barely any people out in the streets, I don't know why was I being quick. I enter the bathroom and lock the door. I look in the mirror and once again see my piercings in my face. My face was a little red from all the piercings and my tongue still hurt. I spit out the cigarette from my mouth and stomp it with my shoe as I take out the hair dye from my pockets. I take out my hood and undo my messy bun. I open the hair dye when all of a sudden I feel a urge to start crying. What was I doing?

* * *

*Back in the Monastery*

Cyrus was still wide awake, his eyes started close but quickly snap open. He didn't wanted to go to sleep, not when Pixal was out of his watch. Cyrus was very nervous, what if something happened to Pixal and he is just waiting here for her to come back when she could be in danger? Ninjago City may seem nice in the day but in the night, it becomes dangerous with all the gangs roaming around and drug dealers and rapists. Cyrus just couldn't stop thinking about Pixal. Suddenly, he saw a shadow approach the monastery's gates and in the distance, Cyrus saw Pixal's white face that almost stands out in the night.

Cyrus sights in relief. Pixal was now back home when he heard the Monastery's doors open and then close. She was now safe back in home where Cyrus can watch her now. Cyrus settles in now calmly in his bed, not worrying anymore and get ready to sleep but he still lay awake. He started thinking on ways to help Pixal.

"I wish there was something I could do to help you, Pixal" Cyrus said sadly to himself. "You are my little girl, you are suppose to be happy, not wishing to be dead" He rolled over to the other side, now facing the wall, trying to get some sleep. He eventually fell asleep thinking about Pixal.

"What are you doing here at night?" Kai said in disgust to Pixal who about to walk upstairs to her room, trying not to get caught but she got busted. Kai turned on the lights and he saw the her back was facing him. He still hasn't seen the piercings she has gotten.

"I would say the same for you" Pixal said quietly back at him. Kai got angry for a moment.

"What did you say!?" Kai said angrily at her as he made her turn around and face him. There he saw Pixal's face, filled with piercings. She has gotten a Snake Bite Piercings on her bottom lip, a small diamond stud on her nose and an eyebrow piercing. If it weren't for her hood, she also has gotten a weaving piercing on her right ear and multiple small hoop ones on her other ear and also her black dyed hair. Kai was surprised but he still hasn't seen her tongue piercing due to her mouth closed.

Kai put on a disgust face. "Ugh, you look more freakier than before" Kai said to her rudely. Pixal knew that. She was already a freak before, no need to have make it even worse. Kai slightly went closer to her and sniffed her. "And is that smoke's breath I smell? You are starting to smoke?"

"So what?" Pixal said to him back.

"I don't even know how Zane fell in love with you enough to give you half his power source" those words Kai said cut Pixal right in her heart. He was right, how did Zane fell in love with a freak like her enough to give her half of his rare unique power source?

"I-I don't k-know" Pixal trembled in her words as her eyes started to water.

"Because of you he died" Kai spat at her. That only made Pixal's eyes to water more. "Because of you, we will never see him again" Kai gritted his teeth as his eyes started to water. Pixal was starting to get scared but Kai wasn't finish.

Kai blinked out his tears. "I wish YOU were dead! Not him! I wished YOU could be dead right now instead of Zane! He doesn't deserve this! YOU do! You _deserve _to be dead!" Kai yelled out at Pixal. Tears started going down both of their faces when Kai punched her straight in the eye and PIxal stumbled back. Then the guys started to come out of their rooms to see what was all the screaming and yelling but before all the adults came, Pixal had ran upstairs to her room and locked the door. She could hear the others talking to Kai to calm him down. She then heard to what seem someone rolling a wheelchair to her doorway.

"Pixal? It's Cyrus. Are you ok?" Cyrus asked her but she didn't respond back. Kai's words kept echoing in her head. '_You deserve to be dead!' _After what seem forever, Cyrus eventually leaves back to his room.

Once making sure no one was out in the halls anymore and everything was silent, Pixal goes to the bathroom and turns on the light to see her fully changed self. She took off her hood and studied herself in the mirror. Her piercings, her new black hair, her new forming black eye once again swollen. Kai was right, she deserved to be dead.

"I deserve to be dead" Pixal said to herself.

She took out her blade. "I deserve to be dead" Pixal repeated to herself.

Pixal pull up her sleeves where her wrists had been covered in scars. "I deserve to be dead, I deserve to be dead, I deserve to be dead" Pixal kept repeating as she settled her blade to go down half way to her forearm. She repeatedly kept doing that until it was filled with and blood.

She started to cut down her other arm. "Kai is right, he is always right" Pixal said to herself as she cut down half way to her forearm like she did with her other arm. Pixal finally puts her blade down that was covered in her own blood.

Pixal stumbled her way out of the bathroom and collapsed on her bed from sudden blood loss. She fell asleep without trouble but Kai's words still remained on her head while she slept.

_'I wish YOU were dead! Not him! I wished YOU could be dead right now instead of Zane! He doesn't deserve this! YOU do! You _deserve_ to be dead!'_

* * *

Ok that's it! The types if piercings Pixal got was: Snake bite, tongue, diamond Stud nose, small hoop on eyebrow, weaving on her right ear, multiple small hoops on the other ear. Search them up so you get an idea of it. Well until next time! Bye! ~Lucy


	6. Smoking and Death Threats

Here it is! After months of not updating here it is! Sorry I haven't updated. School just started so yeah lots of struggles and homework. This chapter may or may not make sense but I just wanted to update, I don't even think people read this anymore but oh well, I want to finish this story. This story is already half way so coming close to and ending and I just _might _have a sequel if you guys want. So without further ado, chapter 6 everybody!

(This may or may not be revised twice so sorry for any grammar errors or anything)

* * *

Pixal POV

I woke up, suddenly feeling dizzy as I sit up in my bed. My whole face hurts as I cover my face with my hands when I felt something metal on my face. Turns out they were just the piercings I got last night. I also felt the tongue piercing when I lick the roof of my mouth. I start to feel some stinging pain on both of my fore arms and saw my dried blood there. I was confused for a moment but then everything came back from last night. The cigarettes, the piercings, the black hair dye, the encounter with Kai and the other punch in the eye, then…once again the cutting. And Kai's words, how could I forget about those horrible, awful words that are true…

_'__I wish YOU were dead! Not him! I wished YOU could be dead right now instead of Zane! He doesn't deserve this! YOU do! You _deserve_ to be dead!'_

I didn't deserve to live, I didn't deserve to be created by Cyrus. I am basically just a bother to him, anyway. He only created me only as a assistant, nothing else. He gave me a talk once where he told me that I was like a daughter to him but I felt that he just said that because well…I was feeling rather lonely after being built for a few months…

*Flashback*

_No POV_

_"__What are you doing Pixal?" Cyrus asked her as he wheeled towards Pixal who was looking out the window, down below the city. It was already night and Pixal liked watching the glowing neon lights of the city below her._

_"__Nothing much, just curious" Pixal simply responded. Cyrus saw the stars sparkle in Pixal's green eyes and smiled. "Will I ever go outside?" Pixal asked her creator. Cyrus raised his eyebrows by sudden question._

_"__Well…why you ask that?" Cyrus asked her. Pixal looked down instead out in the window._

_"__I have been…rather lonely up here" Pixal responded. Cyrus looked at her but smiled sadly. He knew Pixal wanted to go outside to interact with others._

_"__I…won't promise you anything but one of these days, you will go outside and meet other people" Cyrus smiled at her. Pixal looked up at him and put on a small smile. He loved it when Pixal smiled, it makes him happy. Deep down inside of him, Pixal was more than just his assistant, she was his daughter that he has never gotten. Cyrus couldn't ask for anything better than her._

_"__Is there something wrong Mr. Borg? You seem off" Pixal asked him. As her job, she needed to look out for him._

_"__No nothing, it's just…" Cyrus paused but continued. "Pixal…you are much more than just my assistant…" Pixal tilted her head._

_"__What do you mean by that?" Pixal asked._

_"__I mean that, you are not just my assistant, you are like…my daughter. You are the most lovely daughter I could ever ask for, Pixal" Cyrus smiled and Pixal smiled also._

_"__I am glad to be called your daughter Mr. Borg" Pixal bowed at him and Cyrus chuckled._

_"__No need to be formal Pixal. You can call me…Father" Cyrus said to her. _

_Pixal nodded. "Ok…Father"_

*End Of Flashback*

Pixal POV

But all of that was about a little more than a year ago, now I am just…useless to him right now on my conditions, my self-harming.

I got up quickly from my bed but as soon as my feet touch the ground I sat back again. My head started to spin but then I recover and go slowly to the bathroom. I turn on the faucet and clean out my arms with warm water. I saw the water pass by my dried bloody arm as it came falling down a red-ish color. It stinged a lot but somehow I already got used to it. I started to clean my other arm, which also started to sting. Last night was the most I have ever cut and lost blood more than ever.

I walked out of the bathroom and sat on my bed. I started to feel like I was missing something. Like something I...needed. I looked at my right and I saw the packs of cigarettes on the bed stand. I quickly opened a packet and took a cigarette out. I didn't have a lighter but I had my index finger. I snapped once and a small flame appeared on my finger. It was strange on how I have this feature but I am a robot, i'm already strange. I put one end of the cigarette between my lips and the other on the small flame around my finger. I took a puff slowly, feeling the warm smoke on my mouth. I shook my hand to make the small flame in my finger disappear. I then exhale slowly, looking at the small puff of smoke coming out of my mouth and into the room I was in. I repeated the process. I didn't care if the others smelled it, I just want to forget about my life for a moment.

* * *

*Ninja are in the living room*

Everyone was in the living room, being quiet as usual and doing their own stuff. Lloyd was trying to read a comic book but sudden coughs came here and there, Cole was in the kitchen trying to find something to eat, Nya and Kai were just being quiet while Jay was in his room doing who knows what. He suddenly stormed in into the living room, looking angry.

"Cole! What the fuck are you cooking!?" Jay yelled out as he started coughing. Cole came out of the kitchen looking pissed.

"I'm not cooking anything at all!" Cole yelled back as they both closer to each other, ready to start another fight. Jay coughed once again as Nya stood up from her seat to stop the fight.

"Then where the hell is the smell of smoke coming from!?" Jay's voice cracked as he started to have another coughing fit. Everyone stood silence as Jay coughed and everyone smelled the air. The smell of smoke was indeed strong and no one has realized it until now. But if it wasn't from the kitchen, then where was it coming from?

"Pixal" Kai muttered as he went his way upstairs not before seeing Jay collapse in the couch next to Lloyd, coughing louder and started to what seemed wheezing. Cole started worrying and felt guilty of yelling at Jay all of a sudden

"You ok Jay?" Lloyd asked as he put his comic book down to pat Jay's back. Jay simply nodded but not stopping the coughing and took out something from his pocket.

"Yeah" Jay only said before he put a inhaler to his mouth and pushes down 3 times, inhaling 3 puffs of the asthma medication. Everyone, especially Cole, was surprised of that. "I'm fine" Jay finally said normally, without coughing. Kai got more angrier and went to storm to Pixal's room.

Kai POV

Freaking Pixal. She was going to pay for what she did to Jay. He almost had a asthma attack! We didn't even _know_ he had asthma! I come up to her door and knocked very loud and hard until the door shook.

"Open the damn door, Pixal!" I yelled at her through the door and keep hitting the door hard. Finally I hear the door being unlocked and opened and I see Pixal who's eyes were red from all the smoking, with a cigarette on her hand, holding it out to her head level. Besides that, her face was filled with piercings that i didn't like at all, all dressed in black and she still has that purple eye I made worst last night. Pixal looked like a drug addict.

"Can I help you?" Pixal casually asked and that made me even more pissed. It was obvious that she was high.

"Yes, can you please stop fucking smoking!?" I yelled at her, hopefully scaring her like I always do.

"Let me think about it," She took a puff of her cigarette and blew it on my face. "No" Pixal said and started laughing of how dumbfounded I was when the smoke hit my face. I may be the ninja of fire, but the smoke bothers me especially when it's too close to my face. I was so pissed at Pixal that I push her hard, making her stumble to the ground. I grinned at her how it was so hilarious seeing her fail so fast but that was my mistake because as soon as she got back to her feet, she glared at me with her red eyes and pushed me against the wall that was in front of her room hard, my head starting to throb.

"Fuck" was all what I can say, before she grabbed my collar and pushed me more against the wall, lifting me up from the floor a little. Pixal leaned in closer to my ear before whispering something at me, sending chills down my spine.

"Mark my words Kai, you hit me or push me or do anything to me one more time," I felt her finger go across my neck, "I will slit your fucking throat then gouge your eyeballs out. Got it?" Pixal looked at me deadly in the eye.

"Yeah sure, like a death threat can scare me" I simply say because I don't think so Pixal can do that while she can't even defend herself from me.

"Oh, I think it will" Pixal let go of me before entering her room again and locking the door.

Pixal can tell me all the death threats she can but that won't scare me at all.

* * *

I have a head cannon that Jay has asthma so yeah :P It sounds weird but I just wanted to add that. Sorry this chapter was short but mind exploded in the end so sorryyyyyy. So I will try my best and start working on the next chapter, so until then, byeeeeeee ~Lucy


End file.
